Field Defender Gifts

Boxer Scarecrow Fends of the Crows.

Chase me, chase me cows.

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

Alternative fielding positions

No Soliciting

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

A Change of Scene.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Science Snobs

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

Dog being carried off by ducks.

-I think I've caught a cold -It's the only thing you've caught all day!

'Our village cricket club' - An exciting finish to a cricket match.

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'As long as the gov't has a printing press, all deposits federally insured.'

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

"Sorry, I'm only allowed to save humans, not refugees. Here in the EU we've got humanitarian values, you know?"

"This is what happens when we don't practice social distancing."

"It's your turn, kid."

'Both benches have emptied, and now the brawl is spreading to the spectators!'

Referee

"This is the worst parade ever."

"It's important to be authentic"

Fans Desperately Try To Catch A Baseball

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

Today we're making videos for college recruiters. We'll focus on your top field hockey assets. Becky's ball handling. Jen's power goals. Sarah's innovative kilt stylings. She's going into fashion design.

It's just a bad bruise. Field hockey balls can do damage. We'll have the doctor take a quick look. Quick?! It's rush hour! We're moving fine. Just wait. It's the 4:45 pm fall sports traffic jam. Next # 147. The doctors are: In out in in.

Why the "Man's Best Friend" thing is a total fraud.

'How did your bowling go?. . . I didn't realize you eyesight was so bad.'

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

'Get this straight, I'm a guard dog: I don't fetch the newspaper!'

'It's amazing what they throw away: a tracksuit, a dozen oranges and another 2-0 lead.'

Soccer and pandemic

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

"Don't give me this stupid 'Renaissance' stuff! - The Middle Ages were good enough for my father and they're good enough for me!"