Defensive Player Gifts

'These military teams really take their defence seriously...!'

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

Football player taking the ball home.

Science Snobs

"We don't need no stinkin' unions...I saw it on the internet."

"Somebody in Boise needs my help. Run a credit check."

"You're a really sore loser, you know that!"

Rugby Mad.

'Big advantage!!'

Rock, paper, scissors

'I've got a good idea to improve the team.'

"Five ball in the corner pocket." "Me in the side pocket!"

'With all the cars being stolen these days, I went out and bought the strongest security system I could afford.'

Jennifer Felt Perfectly Safe Walking Through the Park at Night with Her Handy Cast-Iron Baguette.

How was my emergency stop?

"How do you respond to critics who say you only play the backcourt?"

"Tech savvy? o. Is there any call for regular savvy?"

Golfer kicking ball out of bush.

'And please take into account that my client was acting upon a double-dog-dare.'

'Blake Construction lost $500,000 on the Fenton Job. Thank God they underbid us by $100.'

Boxer Scarecrow Fends of the Crows.

'Get this straight, I'm a guard dog: I don't fetch the newspaper!'

"It's road kill."

'It's amazing what they throw away: a tracksuit, a dozen oranges and another 2-0 lead.'

'And what makes you think you're good enough for the darts team?'

"Are there people who don't live in London?"

Cricketers discussing leg before wicket

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.

'Careful, Larry. He gets pretty upset if you trap him in a corner pocket.'

"You'd better let your boss beat you..."

'I certainly don't get tailgated anymore!'