Messy Foodie Gifts

"And I got this bachelorhood award for most meals eaten standing in the kitchen hanging over the sink."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"You've got some food or something in your moustache."

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"Is it me, or would a dung beetle taste really good right now?"

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

Cooking With Pollock.

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

Okay... which one of you ordered the holy mackerel?

Early bird special - Grilled Pterodactyl.

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"This? It's my Thanksgiving outfit. It's already pre-stained in cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie."

"For regurgitated food, it's great, but the presentation..."

"Eat those veggies or I'll change the wifi password."

"Hey, do we have strawberries crushed in cream cheese?"

A Donut Ride Outside of a Police Station

Spy microchips in Chinese instant noodles

Eye of Newt Helper

'Do you, Freddie Finicky, promise to eat all your dinners up?'

"If dinner was a reality TV show broccoli would be the first thing I'd vote off!!"

Bar Refaeli

"So I said to myself...who am I to deny this calling?"

'I'll trade you, sight unseen.'

'What kind of idiot orders a triple anchovy pizza with no cheese?'

"It's not a Jackson Pollock T-shirt, it's the pizza I had for lunch."

'Ketchup? You know that's an insult to the chef, right?'

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."