Menu Analyzer T-Shirts

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

Sign reads: 'To be sure of a healthy nutrition, throw away the contents and eat the package'.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Is the MSG local?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Fast Food Menu Selections

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

"....and hold the garlic."

'Whatever he's eating.'

Coffee

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

Coffee Menu

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.