Menu Decipherer T-Shirts

"I can't have anything that's a food."

'Of course you can't have the chef's salad. What will the chef eat?'

"The little sad faces next to some items mean they don't taste very good."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"That Pink Slime I keep hearing about; is that a hamburger or the dessert?"

'What do you say we throw caution to the wind and order something we can't pronounce?'

"Could you slowly describe the Chef's Surprise again? I have a good imagination, but not that good!"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Party time.

Fast Food Menu Selections

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

Coffee Menu

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

Coffee

"....and hold the garlic."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.