Menu Decipherers T-Shirts

"Herbert! You don't know how to order here! It's a different language...they'll eat you alive!"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Is the MSG local?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Fast Food Menu Selections

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Coffee

"....and hold the garlic."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Coffee Menu

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Whatever he's eating.'

'The customer is always right...'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'Hard or soft science?'

'Physical or Social Science?'