Menu Decipherers Gifts

"Herbert! You don't know how to order here! It's a different language...they'll eat you alive!"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"Is the MSG local?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

Fast Food Menu Selections

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'Whatever he's eating.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Coffee

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"....and hold the garlic."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Coffee Menu

'The customer is always right...'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'Hard or soft science?'