Menu Sleuth Gifts

'What's affordable tonight?'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"Is the MSG local?"

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I can't have anything that's a food."

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

"It's a cucumber mousse with a mushroom roam, but at least your bill will be substantial."

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

Horse meat scandal.

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

'Of course you can't have the chef's salad. What will the chef eat?'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

"What is this one - 'Two egg surprise'?"

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

'Don't rush me. I'm adding up the calories!'

'There's a lamb chop in my soup.' - 'Oh, that's where it got to. It belongs to table six.'

Guess Where Your Dinner Is?