Restaurant Sleuth Gifts

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"Don't tell him anything."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

Plane with banner shoots at another.

Horse meat scandal.

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Mine was stone cold.'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"This place is slipping. The 'Chef's Surprise' looks more like a cook's confusion."

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'

'Waiter, I don't remember ordering this gristle!'

'Darling - are you finding these waiters rather over-attentive?'

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'