Ingredient Decipherers Gifts

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

All Natural Nothing

Honest Vending

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'Diet considerations.'

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"I can't have anything that's a food."

IKEA Book

'Of course you can't have the chef's salad. What will the chef eat?'

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

Secret Family Recipes

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

'Now with 30% less crap you can't even pronounce!'

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

'You don't need to worry Jean, he's a very simple cook.'

'...we were able to hide some rather significant losses.'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

Why Chemists shouldn't take their work home "I can't believe it's not b-b-vegetable mono & dyglycerides!"

Kitchen Consultations