Menu Inspector T-Shirts

'First of all, the menu is plastic.'

'This menu is SATURATED with fat, salt, sugar and wheat!' 'Sorry... I'll clean it.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Is the MSG local?"

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Fast Food Menu Selections

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

National Coffee Day

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Coffee

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Coffee Menu