Menu Detective T-Shirts

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

"What is this one - 'Two egg surprise'?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Is the MSG local?"

Party time.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'How is the water prepared?'

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Physical or Social Science?'

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"Don't tell him anything."

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'