Menu Detective Prints

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

"What is this one - 'Two egg surprise'?"

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Is the MSG local?"

Party time.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'How is the water prepared?'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Physical or Social Science?'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."