Menu Investigator T-Shirts

"Is the MSG local?"

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'How is the water prepared?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

Coffee Menu

Coffee

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Whatever he's eating.'

'The customer is always right...'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'Hard or soft science?'

Heart Disease Menu

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."