Menu Expert T-Shirts

"Sorry, sir. But if you can't pronounce it, you can't have it."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Is the MSG local?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'How is the water prepared?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

Cereal Tasting.

Coffee

Coffee Menu

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Whatever he's eating.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'The customer is always right...'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'Hard or soft science?'

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'