Dining Expert T-Shirts

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

'Pineapple for the lady? Pineapple for the lady?'

'Are the shellfish safe?'-'Certainly, sir- we keep them locked up in the kitchen.'

"Oh, put a cork in it...the bottle, you, the wine steward."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'Who gets the decaf?'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

this bordeaux speaks for itself

Am Awful Crammer.

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

"You and your daft inventions."

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'