Dining Expert Pillows

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

'Pineapple for the lady? Pineapple for the lady?'

'Are the shellfish safe?'-'Certainly, sir- we keep them locked up in the kitchen.'

"Oh, put a cork in it...the bottle, you, the wine steward."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Life is for the birds.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'Who gets the decaf?'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

this bordeaux speaks for itself

Am Awful Crammer.

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

"We make substitutions within reason, Madame. We can give you courgettes instead of the aubergine, but we cannot provide Jean-Louis Trintignant in place of your husband."

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.