Dining Enthusiast Pillows

"It's a good idea to tip first. That way I know what level of service you expect."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

"The meal was delicious. My compliments to the Haematologist"

'By pushing us halfway, we save money on gas. That way we'll have enough money to eat out.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"I think you've got the wrong idea about going Dutch!"

Your Tip So Far

'There are no prices listed, Sir, because the prices keep going up and up.'

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

Auctioneer's sign, 'Going, going, gone to lunch'.

'I'm sorry sir, but your card was rejected...because it's ugly.'

'I'm sorry the food's rubbish...All our chefs are on TV tonight.'

"This place caters to workaholics."

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

"Always remember, there is no such thing as a free lunch, will you pick up the bill?"

"Waiter, there's no fly in my soup!"

'No! Not rare, not medium, not well-done: I want my steak raw! Thank you...'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Waiters have to take a special oath..."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'I'm sorry, sir, well done isn't an option - we close in twenty minutes.'

'The food is great, but the service is slow.'

"I'll have the angler if you're sure he's perfectly fresh."

"Can I get you any more deafening loudness?"

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

'I'll have the food scare of the day.'

'Let's try something different -- like marriage.'

"Lots of choice, isn't there!"

"You make me want to be a better person than you."

"A light palate-cleansing between courses, folks?"

'I guarantee it's fresh, sir. In fact, the chef was rolling around in it this morning.'

'Would you care for a drink while you're being ignored?'

'Hello Sir. I'm Jeff, and I'll be kissing your butt all evening in the hope of getting a decent tip.'

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

Now that, my dear James, is what I call a Dog's Breakfast...