Menu Strategist T-Shirts

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"The specials I didn't order sound so much better when you describe them to other people."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"I never have a starter. That way I have room for 3 puddings!"

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

"And we give you sixty seconds to complete your order or Joey does it for you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Is the MSG local?"

"No thanks, I brought my lunch."

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'This is a business lunch, Lowden. So, don't even think about enjoying yourself.'

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

'If Darwin had been the cook on the Beagle' 'Menu- its Evolution'.

'Tonight's menu is bound in Moroccan leather, with a touch of Flemish calligraphy on hand made paper.'

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

'One businessman's lunch and one lackey's lunch.'

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"Page 1 is 'Best-Sellers.' Page 2 is 'Advice, How-To, and Miscellaneous,' and on the back is 'And Bear in Mind.' "

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'