Food Decision Strategist T-Shirts

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

"I knew a breakfast meeting would be a mistake."

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

Coronavirus Blocks Food Delivery

"If you know what you want, please say so now, otherwise listen carefully, because the menu option have changed."

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

"The specials I didn't order sound so much better when you describe them to other people."

'Let's get some lunch in here. I don't trust my gut instincts on an empty stomach.'

"How much would it cost if I don't take classes but just live in a dorm with a meal plan?"

The velcro ties were in place. The lobstermen would have no idea what hit them.'

Chess Chef

"Once again the correct answer is 'I don't know.'"

Birthday Cakes for Dieters...

'Dad's teaching me about the all-you-can-eat buffet line and how to get the most out of each trip.'

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

'Oh, sure, you can dish it out, but you can't take it.'

'I would go with salmon on this one.'

"Graph of broth"

Bob devises the ultimate weight-loss system.

"He usually doesn't see anybody without an appointment, but since you brought pizza ..."

'What would Anthony Bourdain order?'

'5 pounds of liver ought to be enough to get your husband to take you out for dinner.'

Vending machines labeled 'SNACKS' and 'STATINS.'