Dinner Decision Strategist T-Shirts

"Once again the correct answer is 'I don't know.'"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

'Every war game scenario I've run has you picking up the check.'

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

Being the gentleman he was, Brian insisted on paying in restaurants even though he suddenly realised that dating a bacterium was going to be more expensive than he first thought.

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"If you know what you want, please say so now, otherwise listen carefully, because the menu option have changed."

"The specials I didn't order sound so much better when you describe them to other people."

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

'If you don't have room for vegetables, you don't have room for dessert, so I put your vegetables on top of your ice cream.'

'So what's it to be, Indian cuisine, Chinese take out or are you going to do the usual Russian Roulette?'

Vending machines labeled 'SNACKS' and 'STATINS.'

'What would Anthony Bourdain order?'

"He'll have the meat loaf"

'It's Chris Tarrant - do you know anything about Egytpian pottery?'

'If you are interested, we do sell reading glasses for $25 each.'

Restaurant deciding whether to cater or not to cater.

Will My Kid Eat This?

"I never have a starter. That way I have room for 3 puddings!"

"Don't forget out code phrase for leaving is 'Let's go home'."

"And we give you sixty seconds to complete your order or Joey does it for you."

Multi-tool cutlery.

"Can I substitute the baked potato for stiffing you?"

"I couldn't decide what to cook for dinner, so I didn't cook anything."

Table Plan.

"My heart says I should go with my head; my head says I should go with my gut."

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."