Dinner Reservation Strategist T-Shirts

'Get your priorities right, Graham! Book the restaurant AFTER you've called the fire brigade!'

Come dine with me!

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Mine says this relationship will never work out and I should dump you right now!"

'I'll be conducting Mahler 3 as the guests arrive.'

'A Quarter-Tonner, please.'

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

'Every war game scenario I've run has you picking up the check.'

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

'This chicken has no taste or character.' 'I thought you wanted to eat it, not offer it a job.'

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

Being the gentleman he was, Brian insisted on paying in restaurants even though he suddenly realised that dating a bacterium was going to be more expensive than he first thought.

'Smells good. What is it?'

'If you get one who refuses to wake up, pour it in his lap.'

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"The specials I didn't order sound so much better when you describe them to other people."

'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

'If you don't have room for vegetables, you don't have room for dessert, so I put your vegetables on top of your ice cream.'

'So what's it to be, Indian cuisine, Chinese take out or are you going to do the usual Russian Roulette?'

TGI Doomsday.

"Once again the correct answer is 'I don't know.'"

'What would Anthony Bourdain order?'

The new microwave has been a great time-saver for Monica, she can burn dinner and still have plenty of time to make restaurant reservations

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'

How was your oatmeal, Sadie? Is everything good? Can I get you anything else? Wait a second, what's that flapping? Somebody, run to the window and tell me if you see a pack of hogs flying by! Has the sky fallen? Has hell frozen over? Has the sun risen in the west? Have chickens grown teeth? Has a donkey climbed a tree? This is the first time in 16 years that you've bothered to ask me how my meal's going, is what I'm saying, you worthless baboon! I wonder why.

'5 pounds of liver ought to be enough to get your husband to take you out for dinner.'

Okay, little miss I-Hate-Everything-We're-Having-For-Dinner, do want the pouting or non-pouting section?

Sam's Diner. What? You've never seen "House"Dressing before?