Dinner Negotiator T-Shirts

'5 pounds of liver ought to be enough to get your husband to take you out for dinner.'

"You owe me five bucks."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Garlic Free Zone.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'Broccoli is biodegradable, you know, in case you want to throw it out before I eat it.'

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

"He's a fussy eater."

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"You ordered mammoth again?"

'All right, I agree with you.'

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

Chick in noodle soup.

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

'I wouldn't say you're boring, Chuck, but you're the only person I know who records The Weather Channel.'

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

Lunch Broker

"Tonight the covers stay on my side."

'Will you stop going BAAAAA every time I eat a piece of lamb!'

"When you say 'the same', do you mean worse or better?"