Culinary Negotiator T-Shirts

Lunch Broker

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Garlic Free Zone.

'Broccoli is biodegradable, you know, in case you want to throw it out before I eat it.'

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

Mayo-A-Mayo

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"He's a fussy eater."

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

Fermeture des restaurants: la résistance s'organise

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

Cruel Pet Tricks

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'

"You'll have one bite of everything!"

'Could we send the broccoli to Haiti?'

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

'What did you say?' - 'I was talking to my broccoli.'

"What would make it perfect, egg salad or pastrami?"

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Pizza Fencing

'Yes we are observing the swordfish boycott, but we brought in special herring with nose jobs.'

"There's U.N. Weapons Inspectors at the door. They need to see your meatloaf."

…Here's the deal…You get your brother and sister to finish their fruit, vegetable and milk, and I'll get you extra dessert… Food Pyramid Scheme.

'Well, I'm sorry. But your mother criticized my chicken casserole one too many times.'