Meal Negotiator T-Shirts

'It says right here in the ingredients, 'this product contains no yucky stuff'.'

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

Garlic Free Zone.

"He's a fussy eater."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'Broccoli is biodegradable, you know, in case you want to throw it out before I eat it.'

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"No screen time means more scream time."

"I am listening to my body. My body says yuk!"

'Could we send the broccoli to Haiti?'

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

Lunch Broker

"If you know what you want, please say so now, otherwise listen carefully, because the menu option have changed."

'Would you believe, humble pie?'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

Food Blog

'Yuck! My creamed corn is polluting my mashed potatoes!'

"Come on dad, there's no need to go all 'Successiony' on me."

'She won't budge on the allowance, but she did present me an 800 page handbook detailing the perks.'

Surface Tension

'He can have custody of the kids as long as I have access to his bank account at weekends.'

'You mean, you cooked broccoli on PURPOSE?'

'Eat it while it's still £6.50.'

'You will too eat it!- It took your father three weeks to catch that rhinoceros!'

'5 pounds of liver ought to be enough to get your husband to take you out for dinner.'

"What would it take for Grandma to get a hug?"

'I have reason to believe that my sister is getting a bigger allowance than me. I think you and mom should be more forthcoming and transparent.'

"I find it hard to give thanks for broccoli casserole."

"I say it's genetically altered, and I say the hell with it."

'For the last time, I cannot make it to your family's Christmas gathering tonight.'

'No, Billy, I distinctly said that if you mow the lawn you can halve your allowance. That's why we ask for things in writing.'

"I'll trade you one note of loving maternal encouragement for a bag of corn chips."