Culinary Negotiator Gifts

Lunch Broker

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Garlic Free Zone.

'Broccoli is biodegradable, you know, in case you want to throw it out before I eat it.'

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

Mayo-A-Mayo

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Fermeture des restaurants: la résistance s'organise

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

"He's a fussy eater."

"You'll have one bite of everything!"

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'

Cruel Pet Tricks

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'Could we send the broccoli to Haiti?'

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

'What did you say?' - 'I was talking to my broccoli.'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Pizza Fencing

'Yes we are observing the swordfish boycott, but we brought in special herring with nose jobs.'

"What would make it perfect, egg salad or pastrami?"

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

"Well, if you're out there 'slaving over a got every every day', how come you never notice the food burning?"