Culinary Conversationalist T-Shirts

'What did you say?' - 'I was talking to my broccoli.'

"Dude, pass the salt."

Two Amateur Artists At Dinner

'You are quite right, the soup is cold!'

'For this next money saving meal tip, call your parents and invite yourself to dinner!'

'Isn't it amazing how considerate they get when it's nearing dinner time.'

'Are you going to say Grace, Sir, or shall I?'

"Now that you've brought it up...what's for dinner?"

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Soup of the month.

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I come here for the pepper."

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

'The Burrito King.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."