Culinary Theorist T-Shirts

The Origins of Everything

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Too much cilantro

"Is the MSG local?"

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'I have to agree -- the value of pie goes on indefinitely.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

Surprise in the salad bowl

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."