Kitchen Conversationalist T-Shirts

"Have you head about the tree falling in the forest, but no one hears it, because some guy's wife won't stop talking?"

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Would you ever want to know if I'd done something sort of all too human?"

"I've gained weight during lockdown, but I figure some of it is hair retention."

"I prefer the term 'barista.'"

"The sourdough starter says it still believes Covid was a hoax."

'If you have any complaints, can you come to me first before you post them on myspace.com?'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

The Origins of Everything

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'I was in the catering corps.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'