Kitchen Storyteller T-Shirts

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

"The specials today are the Breast of Thyme and the Wurst of Thyme, though I strongly suggest reversing their order."

"Yes, this meatloaf is just like my mother used to make. She never did learn how to cook!"

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

True confessions.

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

Children's Party

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'I was in the catering corps.'