Kitchen Banter Enthusiast T-Shirts

'I never criticize your cooking, Elaine... I criticize your serving!'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Wok. Don't Wok.

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'I was in the catering corps.'

Cook and her Maids

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

Amy Sedaris

Avocado Timeline

The secret lives of household things.

'He's all eyes!'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'Well, ex-CU-U-Use ME!'

'Mom! Instant oatmeal is NOT fast food!'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

"This new dough-maker attachment is going to pay for itself in no time.'

"All new appliances, brand new subway tile backsplash and a unique kitchen island; notice those coconuts!"

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

Decaying corpse

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

"Sucker!" / "Stirrer!"

'Don't fill up on milk and cookies.'

Thank you for the wedding present.

'At these prices can't you afford a kitchen?' Burner at the table

'...and how much experience have you of sushi making?'

Tin Opening