Kitchen Comedy Enthusiast T-Shirts

"The problem is that your trap is one big macaroni."

"I asked you to buy a calendar for the wall. A CALENDAR."

Cook and her Maids

'Mabel, you know you have to lay up with my reading glasses for alphabet soup...'

'Evil woman. She knows I never learned how to use one of these things.'

'Oh God, who's put the commandments in the toaster again?'

"Would sir care to study the menu?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'I was in the catering corps.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."