Kitchen Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

"The problem is that your trap is one big macaroni."

"I asked you to buy a calendar for the wall. A CALENDAR."

Cook and her Maids

'Mabel, you know you have to lay up with my reading glasses for alphabet soup...'

'Evil woman. She knows I never learned how to use one of these things.'

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

'Oh God, who's put the commandments in the toaster again?'

"Would sir care to study the menu?"

"Your food will be out as soon as we clean up from the chef's little bout with food poisoning."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

'Like death by salad.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages