Kitchen Comedy Aficionado Gifts

"Maybe I haven't suffered enough. Why don't you whip up some of your curried pork balls and refried rice for dinner?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'I was in the catering corps.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

'It's all homemade.'

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'