Kitchen Comedy Connoisseur Gifts

Egg beater.

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Counting ribs

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'He likes to power nap.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Night of the Latkes

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

The Trojan Beagle.

Happy Hour

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

The Snarky District

Emergency Phone.

Health and Safety Gone Mad.