Dinner Conversation Strategist T-Shirts

'It's Chris Tarrant - do you know anything about Egytpian pottery?'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

Being the gentleman he was, Brian insisted on paying in restaurants even though he suddenly realised that dating a bacterium was going to be more expensive than he first thought.

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

Chick in noodle soup.

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

"Once again the correct answer is 'I don't know.'"

"Come on now. It's not that bad. We never even had Paris."

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"

'5 pounds of liver ought to be enough to get your husband to take you out for dinner.'

"Why are you surprised we're having leftovers? It's all we ever eat!"

'Even the TV dinners are a repeat.'

"What's the Chef's Surprise Sir? Well, he's VERY surprised his kitchen has just survived a visit from the Government Food and Hygiene Inspector!"

'Dinner's almost ready — go wash your knuckles.'

'May I caution that the term 'Happy meal' refers to the meal itself rather than to any effect it may have.'

"The longer it takes him to recite the specials, the guiltier I feel for not ordering one."

"Did I tell you that I'm seeing a chiropractor?" "That's great. Is it helping your back?" "Are you kidding, my back is killing me. We see each other every night."

"Let’s start with that waiter over there."

"They were, sitting around the dinner table, knocking off a bottle of Côtes-du-Rhône and blathering about the Middle East – you've never heard such shallow, simplistic reasoning in your life – and one of them turns to me and says, "And what do you think, Barney? What do you think we should do?' and all I could come up with was 'Woof'. I felt like such an ass."

"She's a Democrat and he's a Republican so refrain from political talk if you want access to the hors d'oevres."

"Don't forget out code phrase for leaving is 'Let's go home'."

'Everything's off except the weak and the sick.'

"So honey, how bad was your day today?"

"Ein Gesichtsprüfer namens Ted hat heute Morgen wegen seines Nachrufs angerufen."

'Catch-of-the-day sounds fun. Shall we give it a head start?'

"Waiter, there's a long-range ballistic missile in my soup."

"What's our dinner strategy?"

Washington Do's and Don'ts - Some things shouldn't be said while people are dining.