Dinner Delegator T-Shirts

'I'm tired - let's outsource dinner tonight.'

Grace For Flies

"You owe me five bucks."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Party time.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

Horn of Leftovers

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

The Shakespeares Dine Out.

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

"I forgot my wallet. Do you know 'Folsom Prison Blues'?"

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

'I always buy him the toughest, chewiest steak. It shuts him right up for half an hour.'

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

Trustworthy Authority.

Nuclear Families

Screen Time at the Dining Table

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'