Dinner Delegator Gifts

'I'm tired - let's outsource dinner tonight.'

Grace For Flies

"You owe me five bucks."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Party time.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

Horn of Leftovers

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

"I forgot my wallet. Do you know 'Folsom Prison Blues'?"

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

'I always buy him the toughest, chewiest steak. It shuts him right up for half an hour.'

Trustworthy Authority.

"Do you have to mime looking at your mobile at the dinner table Marceau?"

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'