Dining Diplomat Gifts

Which wine will go well with a limited expense account?

"I'm your waiter and a vegetarian. Let's try to do this without anyone getting hurt"

"Maybe next time you should pay the bill BEFORE you tell them you're giving the place a lousy online review!"

'I'll just have whatever he doesn't notice.'

'You can do business anywhere, as long as you can speak their menu.'

"They're flipping to see who pays for the meals!"

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"Is this the table with a complaint?"

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

'Thanks, Sis, but I think it's my turn to leave the stealth tip.'

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'

'First, let me tell you what i don't want.' Most cases of food poisoning can be avoided by being a little nicer to the waiter.

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

"How about this: you don't take our order by memory and we won't forget to tip?"

"Would you mind bringing me a Western utensil?"

"Hey, this is on me!"

"One of our greatest minds in restaurant criticism."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"No dessert until you finish your dark matter."

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'