Dietary Diplomats Gifts

"Can't they compromise a bit and offer something like a candy apple?"

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

Landing That Tough Account

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

Nuclear Families

Screen Time at the Dining Table

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'