Menu Decipherer Pillows

"I can't have anything that's a food."

'Of course you can't have the chef's salad. What will the chef eat?'

"The little sad faces next to some items mean they don't taste very good."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

Special Sand and Soupwich $2.95. I'm not going to risk it.

'If you are interested, we do sell reading glasses for $25 each.'

"That Pink Slime I keep hearing about; is that a hamburger or the dessert?"

'What do you say we throw caution to the wind and order something we can't pronounce?'

"Could you slowly describe the Chef's Surprise again? I have a good imagination, but not that good!"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Party time.

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Fast Food Menu Selections

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

Coffee

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.