Mensa Member Humor Gifts

"Mensa group? I thought this was the menses group. That's just great. You people, don't talk to me!"

IRS Audits. That's your fourth "honest" mistake in a row!

"How on earth do you get this blasted box to open...?"

Monkey Business College

"A family party isn't complete until we all insult Tia Rosa's ex-husband."

"Of course it sends your message digitally. If you want analogue we'll have to saddle up old Bessie."

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

"The big boot Italy ain't gonna kick the small shoe Sicily no more, capiche?"

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

'Honest, I'm not a toad - I'm a frog with a skin condition.'

"Welcome to Baby Co. You have some big pants to fill here, young man."

At the Old Bikers' Home

"This zit is growing way out of control!"

Your IQ is 176, Peel. - 'Is that high?' - 'That's higher than Stephen Hawking.' - 'Wow!' - 'Maybe you'll be a great physicist one day.' - 'Will I shrivel, too?' -

"You got another letter from the neighborhood association..."

'Was it an Indian elephant or an African elephant?'

"I think you are getting carried away, all you've done is finish one crossword."

'I was thinking dinner, drinks, an airport security 'pat down' and then call it a night.'

"Mister, that door opens inward, no out."

Milk is for wimps.

'for all the time men spend looking at women's bodies, they know absolutely nothing about them.'

'And we've switched from rats to lawyers because there are some things even rats won't do.'

You're stopping me for sailing & drinking? No sweat. I can swim in a strait line!

'Mensa smoking club'

Mensa Cat

"If you would increase my salary you'd feel I'm worth more."

'Sit down. I'll like to discuss your expense account.'

"It's the ultimate in smart phones. It's the Mensa phone."

'I was doing fine in court... and then they had to get 'legal' on me.'

"Yeahh!! - My IQ test came back negative!"