Member Of Quirky Clubs Gifts

'Hi, I'm Ralph. Not only am I the President of the Ear-Hair Club for Men, I'm also a member!'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Cow Pinatas

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Do you know the way to San Jose without breaking into a Bacharach number?'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"Dad, my web toon characters can't be normal! They have to be stereotyped crazies who are totally abnormal!"

"Would you like to try them out?"

Are you interested in UFOs? Advanced life forms? Free medical screenings? Alternative underwear? Snacks and refreshments? Non-sexual turtles? Reverse pound cake? Science? Join us.

Niche Extracurriculars

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

Taking goldfish for a walk.

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'The stuff legends are made of'

"It's not you. It's pea."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

Pole Vaulting Club

"I want to report a race crime.'

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

'He's lying about either a fish or his penis.'

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

Hamlet

Ok, I know a sarcastic slow clap when I hear one.

"He seems to have done a complete turnaround."

'...And in local weather, Ken's cologne has clashed with Trish's hair spray, causing a thunder shower over the news desk.'

'Fair play, Bill always knows when he's had enough.'

'We are banned from reporting inside that country, so instead our correspondent joins us from the Dog and Duck, just around the corner.'

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'