Member Of Quirky Clubs Pillows

'Hi, I'm Ralph. Not only am I the President of the Ear-Hair Club for Men, I'm also a member!'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"Dad, my web toon characters can't be normal! They have to be stereotyped crazies who are totally abnormal!"

"Would you like to try them out?"

Are you interested in UFOs? Advanced life forms? Free medical screenings? Alternative underwear? Snacks and refreshments? Non-sexual turtles? Reverse pound cake? Science? Join us.

Taking goldfish for a walk.

Niche Extracurriculars

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'The stuff legends are made of'

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

"It's not you. It's pea."

"I want to report a race crime.'

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Pole Vaulting Club

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

'He's lying about either a fish or his penis.'

'We are banned from reporting inside that country, so instead our correspondent joins us from the Dog and Duck, just around the corner.'

'...And in local weather, Ken's cologne has clashed with Trish's hair spray, causing a thunder shower over the news desk.'

"He seems to have done a complete turnaround."

Hamlet

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

Doctor to patient: 'Nah - you don't need to make a hospital appointment. I can do this procedure with a laser pen.'