Meeting Mirth Maker Gifts

'I think out quarterly report should call it a 'negative upward trend'.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

Targets.

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

"Gesundheit!"

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"Who ordered the bravest tuna on all the seven seas, anointed with the spice of faraway lands, on wheat toast?"

"Anything goes today: I want this to be a free and open discussion of my entrenched positions."

"I think someone put Bob on vibrate."

You need a sense of humor to work here, but you're overqualified.

'I say we try it.'

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

"We have a REALLY high turnover rate here."

"Oops! Wrong plug."

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'

"Your Easter bonuses are hidden throughout corporate headquarters."

Doctor who is a clown holding a syringe.

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

'If you know what's good for you Allan, you'll let me pass.'

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

'First, I'd like to welcome the presidents of the two internet networking companies that just merged with us.'