Medieval Reenactors Gifts

Hudibras - 2 - The manner how he sallies forth.

El Cid.

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Knight Golfing

Piracy on a boating lake

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

With Thorssen, it's "Pillage and blunder".

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

Missing You.

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

Before putting on your armor...always check for mice!

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

'I think they're up to something.'

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

Goddess

'We will not be disarmed by gun control! We will not be stripped naked and left at the mercy of a tyrannical government!'

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"But I use all of them!"

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"Young Montague's full of himself."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

"I have to pee!"

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

New and Used Armor. Ow! Ow! Ouch! Ow! I told you to spring for the under-coating option.

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread!', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff.'

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

Gladstone ignoring Russian atrocities not suited to his party's political purposes

Knights' Status Report: Rusted out, Metal fatigue, Popped rivets, Bad welds, Squeaky hinges, Dents and dings.