Medieval Fantasy Buff Gifts

We couldn't decide if you're guilty or not, so we're just going to burn the roof of you mouth.

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Knight Golfing

"What the hell took so long?"

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

Missing You.

The Beard in the Stone

"Our focus group will butcher your focus group."

'Of course it's safe. It has no preservatives, no additives, no artificial coloring...'

The Predictable Demise of Sir Textalot.

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

'MUM, go and get Daddy, there's another knight coming: This is so much fun!'

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

When cockroaches go unchecked.

Antler Buzzers.

"Say! While I'm off in the Holy Land, why don't you find a little crusade of some kind that interests you?"

Oh, the armor is state of the art

Medieval Office Supplies

Knights of the Square Table.

"Never gonna give thou up -- Never gonna let thou down -- Never gonna run around and desert thouuuuuu."

'You can't recuse yourself from a war!'

"You fools! That's not the boiling oil, that's my beef casserole!"

"We'll settle this the old-fashioned way - with a dance-off."

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

'How come I always get the shoulder with the parrot?'

The princess and the key

Beware of the Dragon

"With a little luck he'll be a benevolent teenager."

"We've never had a Cheshire cat in the surgery before. He's not very happy to be here is he?"

"This is the first time you've ever planned a moat, I'm guessing?"

"One of you go see who's at the door."

Unicorn Joust

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Balloon

'Oh, I hate when this happens! What do you do when you get a song stuck in your head?'