Medieval Buff Gifts

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

'You idiot! Two is aim, three is fire!'

The Dragon with the Girl with the Dragon tattoo.

"Go see what's covered by my home-owner's policy."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Alfred the Great

Tourism invites money (drawbridge with pound sign).

Knights of the Square Table.

"We both agreed that for a while she'd slay the dragons and I'd look after the castle."

Knight Golfing

A dragon has eaten my knight, please help.

Knight and his wife.

'Vlad the Impaler's coming to dinner.' 'Good -- I'll make shish-ka-bob!'

'You conquered Poland? Big deal! -- Everybody conquers Poland.'

'I'm not without my critics.'

Missing You.

'Typical! -- Lady Godiva gets page one, and my speech is on page seventeen!'

Oh no, you've got hat hair

'...The bad news is that the crusade had some cost overruns....'

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

Air Stewardesses welcoming soldiers on stairs of siege machine."

'Ok guys, lights out!...Is everyone uncomfortable?!'

"Our focus group will butcher your focus group."

Knight brushing his teeth in his armor.

"You fools! That's not the boiling oil, that's my beef casserole!"

"It's an AD for their acupuncture clinic!"

"This is the first time you've ever planned a moat, I'm guessing?"

Knight Vision

Notice on Castle Door - Please Use Rear Entrance

"Wait! They're not trick-or-treaters!"

"One of you go see who's at the door."

"Well done, please."

"Hear ye! hear ye!... But first these messages..."

' Try and drag this one out a bit, the bingo's running late."

Armored trucks with lances