Medieval Times Buff Gifts

"Before I can write your insurance policy, this place has to be made more accessible. I almost fell in your moat!"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Knight Golfing

"What the hell took so long?"

"Our focus group will butcher your focus group."

The Beard in the Stone

"Where do you think we are in the food chain right now?"

Missing You.

'MUM, go and get Daddy, there's another knight coming: This is so much fun!'

The Predictable Demise of Sir Textalot.

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

When cockroaches go unchecked.

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

Oh, the armor is state of the art

"Say! While I'm off in the Holy Land, why don't you find a little crusade of some kind that interests you?"

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."

"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."

Knights of the Square Table.

'You can't recuse yourself from a war!'

"You fools! That's not the boiling oil, that's my beef casserole!"

Hysterically laughing monster.

"Never gonna give thou up -- Never gonna let thou down -- Never gonna run around and desert thouuuuuu."

"Can you do battle with him later?... He's watching, 'Game of Thrones'."

"We'll settle this the old-fashioned way - with a dance-off."

Two gamers play in a game arcade near a machine titled; 'Get a life'.

The princess and the key

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

Beware of the Dragon

"With a little luck he'll be a benevolent teenager."

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

Castle Realty. Of course, for resale value, I'd suggest converting the dungeon into a rec room.