Medieval Buffs Gifts

"Our armies were vanquished and the King was killed but the important thing is we had fun."

Location, location, location

'Bad news, Sire -- it's the Mongrel Hordes!'

' Of course you can see your lawyer..Here he is.'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Knight Golfing

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

"What the hell took so long?"

'Are we there yet?'

"Our focus group will butcher your focus group."

Missing You.

The Beard in the Stone

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

'MUM, go and get Daddy, there's another knight coming: This is so much fun!'

The Predictable Demise of Sir Textalot.

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

When cockroaches go unchecked.

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

"Say! While I'm off in the Holy Land, why don't you find a little crusade of some kind that interests you?"

Oh, the armor is state of the art

Knights of the Square Table.

"You fools! That's not the boiling oil, that's my beef casserole!"

"We'll settle this the old-fashioned way - with a dance-off."

'You can't recuse yourself from a war!'

"Never gonna give thou up -- Never gonna let thou down -- Never gonna run around and desert thouuuuuu."

The princess and the key

'Every war game scenario I've run has you picking up the check.'

Beware of the Dragon

Unicorn Joust

"I hate when he stays late on the throne just to avoid the tension at home."

"This is the first time you've ever planned a moat, I'm guessing?"

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'