Medieval Buffs Gifts

"Our armies were vanquished and the King was killed but the important thing is we had fun."

'Bad news, Sire -- it's the Mongrel Hordes!'

' Of course you can see your lawyer..Here he is.'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Knight Golfing

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

"What the hell took so long?"

'Are we there yet?'

The Beard in the Stone

Missing You.

"Our focus group will butcher your focus group."

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

'MUM, go and get Daddy, there's another knight coming: This is so much fun!'

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

When cockroaches go unchecked.

"Say! While I'm off in the Holy Land, why don't you find a little crusade of some kind that interests you?"

Knights of the Square Table.

'You can't recuse yourself from a war!'

"We'll settle this the old-fashioned way - with a dance-off."

"Never gonna give thou up -- Never gonna let thou down -- Never gonna run around and desert thouuuuuu."

"You fools! That's not the boiling oil, that's my beef casserole!"

The princess and the key

Beware of the Dragon

'Every war game scenario I've run has you picking up the check.'

"This is the first time you've ever planned a moat, I'm guessing?"

'Oh, I hate when this happens! What do you do when you get a song stuck in your head?'

Unicorn Joust

"I hate when he stays late on the throne just to avoid the tension at home."

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

Pied Piper uses 'Rat Nav'.